Glenn F. Ivey, helped out more at home during her campaign.

Sending fathers a little appreciation

By Mike Sarzo

With Father's Day a matter of days away, columnists opining about their relationships with their fathers seems to be the newly popular pastime.

In an era during which people talk about so-called baby daddies and deadbeat dads, many fathers get a bad rap, and undeservedly so.

Don't mistake this for ignoring real problems with some fathers. If you're a father and you don't pay your child support for any reason other than literally being unable to afford it, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should also get in touch with the mother of your child or children or the court and arrange a payment system that makes sense for all involved.

However, being a father is more than providing a monthly check. It's more than simply doing your part in creating life. In my experience, more fathers these days are devoting more time to their families than they did in the past. Harry Chapin's singing about having "planes to catch and bills to pay" and his son "learned to walk while I was away" is – thankfully – becoming more a part of our past.

Some Father's Day columns I've seen have recounted what the writers describe as a complex relationship with their fathers. Some people have talked or written about emotionally distant or stern fathers. Some people have mentioned fathers who seldom have a word – good or otherwise – to say.

My relationship with my father wasn't like that. We definitely have our moments, but who doesn't? If anything, my father was far more emotionally involved than most I've seen mentioned. He was quick to provide emotional support. He remains quick to sit me down for "talks" when I stray from a productive life path.

I'm not going to use this space to denigrate my mother at the expense of my father. I also won't demonize mothers in an effort to glorify fathers. I realize that some well-adjusted people have had only one parent. Some well-adjusted people have had a relative or others raise them. But fathers can and should play an important role in the lives of their children.

For better or worse, more mothers are working full-time jobs in addition to responsibilities at home. That often leaves fathers picking up the slack at home. When Del. Jolene Ivey (D-Dist. 47) ran for her seat in the Maryland General Assembly, she said her husband, Prince George's County State's Attorney Glenn F. Ivey, helped out more at home during her campaign.

That spirit of cooperation between two people who are raising a child is absolutely vital, regardless of what form that takes. I read a recent e-mailed list of tips about parenting and one of the first things it said was not to argue or badmouth your partner in front of your children and present a united front.

If you're going through or already have had a divorce, I can't emphasize this enough. Older children might have enough insight to tell their parents to back off the criticism, but younger children don't. As a child of divorce myself, I can tell you from first-hand experience that it puts the child in a very difficult spot.

I'd like to take this time to wish fathers throughout Prince George's County an enjoyable Father's Day on behalf of The Sentinel. Let's all strive to make sure we show our appreciation for our dads every day of the year.